1. Although there have been many great days of teaching where I feel affirmed in my choice to be a teacher there have also been many days where I’ve come home and cried because I feel incapable of doing this job well. I know that I am incapable of doing any of this without God, but I often choose to wallow in self pity rather than ask God for guidance and support. This job is harder than anything I’ve ever done and I often feel like I am not meeting the school’s expectations or the expectations of the parents. The language barrier sometimes seems so big that I feel like I cannot communicate anything to them without using Spanish which leads me to number two.
2. I think God is using the language barrier to humble me. While I know I am improving in my Spanish I feel like I’m making such slow progress that sometimes I don’t even want to try anymore. Mostly everyone is very nice and patient with me when I’m speaking Spanish and occasionally people compliment me on how my Spanish is improving. I am getting more comfortable talking with the other teachers and staff here which has been a really good thing because I have gotten to know several of them more during the last few weeks. However, because many people here speak English, if they here you struggling with Spanish they will switch to English to try and help you out. This is nice for convenience sake, but I can’t help feeling frustrated when I’m searching for a word in Spanish and they “give up” trying to understand me and switch to English. I know that this will change as I practice more and get better but I feel like I should have made it farther by now now that I’ve been here about 3 months.
3. The decision about next year has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few weeks because I need to make a decision within the next 2 or 3 weeks. As some of you know already I am strongly considering committing to another 5-6 months of teaching here. I didn’t know the option of teaching only half the year was a possibility until Leslie and I talked about it one day then talked to our bosses about it also. As much as they’d like us to stay for an entire year, they know it will be hard to find replacements for us and would rather have us stay for 5 months during which they could be looking for replacements for us. I was really wrestling with this decision about a month ago and felt like God wasn’t giving me clear direction because I was leaning toward one option one day and the other the next day, but since thinking about staying another 5 months I’ve been very much at peace about it. Nothing is settled by any means, but I feel confident that the decision is in God’s hands (and the hands of the school directors) and that if God wants me to stay he will show me that through what the directors decide.
4. I have also been struggling a little bit with ungratefulness lately. I think that part of the problem is when I’m feeling homesick I think about the things in the states that I don’t have here. Also, there are so many fun things to do here but many of them are very expensive. I’ve gotten to do a lot of cool things since getting here, but there are so many other things I wish I had time and money to do. The other day while Leslie and I were sitting waiting for a bus we were talking about or housing possibilities for next year and trying to figure out if we could afford to move to an apartment or house off the school campus. When we broke it down we realized that we make less than $5 an hour when we’re at school. That doesn’t include the 2-5 hours we spend working on grading and lesson planning ever evening or the work we do on the weekends. Although that’s a little depressing when I think about trying to save up money for airline tickets or weekend trips to the beach I have everything I need here and I need to remember that I’m here for the experience and to make a difference in kids’ lives not to make a fortune.
5. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know some of the teachers better in the last few weeks. They are starting to be more comfortable with me and joke around with me. Spending a whole day with them this week on our staff trip to the beach helped a lot. Hanging out at a nice resort in Puntarenas was completely different from being around each other at school. I loved seeing all of my coworkers in a more casual environment. I’m hoping that as this year ends and as next year begins I will be able to get to know them even more and that I will feel more a part of the school staff.
So that’s what’s been on my mind the last few weeks. Basically I want you to get a feel for the ups and downs that are a part of my life here. God’s been teaching me a lot through these ups and downs and I’m working on being grateful during the downs as well as the ups. :) Thanks for all your prayers!
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